Uncertainty

I don't know what is happening now .. I feel really want to say something to someone that I ever (or maybe still) love .. But I don't know what topics that I will say ..



She's right besides me .. But she watchs a movie .. She is really concentration with her own movie .. Huh .. When I say something, she just answer it with short answer and than turn go out from me ..
How Despicable me .. I have done wrong thing to her yesterday .. And maybe she's still angry with me ..
What will I do .. ? I don't want to make her angry again .. Or upset etc. .. I just want she knows that I'm here .. Right besides you .. Why you won't talk anything to me .. ? I really want to know your condition ..
I'm not so sure that I can do it .. I don't want to repeat my mistake that I have already done it to her ..

I can't read your face .. But I can image it .. Maybe you want to say "Please, go far away from me, I don't want to see your freaking face" .. Maybe like that .. I really dissapointed knowing myself ..
I'm not perfect .. I try to be YESMAN .. But its becomes worse and the result is TOTALLY DISASTER ..
Yes, she's the impact when I become a YESMAN .. I learn from my past ..

I hope she is pass away too .. But it's still not happened .. Well, every human that life will die .. But not this time ..
she won't look at me now .. I don't know .. Maybe she's sick, or concetration with her movie ..
I see it .. Now she is with another .. I don't know his name .. But I'm sure she is happy .. She has long time again to enjoy her happiness and her joy .. Maybe it's a caution from god that she's not mine, but she's my lesson that have to learn for better relationship .. Whatever is it .. Thank you .. For your coming to my life ..
Even just hurting my feeling .. But I accept that ..

Well, I still have 4 months again I think .. In my junior high school I mean .. Well, I have my another dear ..
Then I will enjoy my new life in Senior High School 3 in Semarang .. I hope I can get better life in that place ..
And I hope I can survive .. From this uncertainty .. Hope ..


Nb : thanks for read my vent, I know this's not a right blog ..
and i realize this's not my blog yet .. I'm sorry .. :)


F.M.R.